Random Acts of Kindness Week

 

Do you find yourself feeling that wintery gloom looming and are you itching for spring? Has the cold and dreary weather caused your spirit to feel just as dreary as the weather seems outside? Sometimes we need a little challenge/encouragement to help us dump that cold swirling mix of gloom, sadness, and self-focus and fill our empty cup with a whole lot of joy. How can you do that today?

Unbeknownst to many, February 17th was Random Acts of Kindness Day and begins the Random Acts of Kindness Week. I’m not sure that this week is well-known or as celebrated as it should be, what with Valentine’s Day getting so much more attention—sharing the same week.

When did it start? Apparently, the day was founded a little while after a woman by the name of Ann Herbert, while working in a restaurant in Sausalito, California wrote the words “practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty” on a placemat in 1982 (a good-hearted antonym to the common phrase “random acts of violence and senseless acts of cruelty”). From this, bumper stickers were created with the phrase and then a book was written, compiling true stories of acts of kindness, called Random Acts of Kindness. Radio Stations began giving attention to the ideas shared within the book. Articles began to appear in almost every newspaper in the US. Towards the end of 1993, a professor in CA decided to assign his students the task of showing acts of kindness in the community. And from then on, various waves of people have continued to celebrate this special week. Headquartered in Denver, CO and founded in 1995, is a nonprofit called The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation (RAK). They believe that by “spreading kindness throughout schools, communities and homes [this] power of kindness [can] change the way people see and experience the world”.

When will you start? I think we can definitely emphasize Random Acts of Kindness Day a little more by celebrating it with our children and instilling in them the importance of showing love and a little bit of kindness to those around them. Turn your focus outward by guiding their focus outward as well! This is such a helpful tool in giving us the practical steps we need to start filling our cup back up with joy. Consider how you can teach them some wonderful principles that Jesus taught us in Scripture—that of putting others first, selflessness, noticing needs of others, bearing one another’s burdens and many aspects of biblical love found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Oh the good it will do your own heart while spreading love and kindness to those around you.

Need some inspiration? I love how Laura, a mom to a combination of biological, foster, and adopted children), shares on her blog called Pitter Patter Art, her tradition of celebrating Kindness Advent every year around Christmas time. The tradition started as she was experiencing deep grief over the loss of a loved one, and decided to turn her focus outward as well! She has some wonderful ideas and is very creative in how she organizes and plans each year. Laura shares some helpful ideas that can be useful in jump starting your own creative juices and get them flowing to plan a Kindness Advent of your own. This doesn’t have to happen just at Christmas, or even around Valentines Day—choose any given month to purposefully focus on others. Help your children get into a rhythm of loving on people and “throwing some kindness around like confetti”—because, when you choose to be like Christ, and choose to put others first, you will in fact experience a joy that is found nowhere else.

 

 

Looking for helpful resources to get you started?

Official Random Acts of Kindness Website: Get Inspired

https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/get-inspired

Laura’s Pitter Patter Blog with Advent Ideas from 2016

http://pitterpatterart.com/kindness-advent-2017/

Laura’s Pitter Patter Blog with Advent Ideas from 2017

http://pitterpatterart.com/kindness-advent-2016/

Nightlight’s Pinterest Board: Random Acts of Kindness

https://www.pinterest.com/nightlightadopt/random-acts-of-kindness-ideas/

How We Celebrate Chinese New Year

 

Chinese New Year is upon us! February 16th marks the beginning of the Chinese New Year celebrations around the world for 2018. If you are not familiar with Chinese New Year it is an annual festival that’s not only celebrated in China but also by many other nationalities. Some celebrations last as long as 15 days so we wanted to share some special ways to observe this special holiday with your family.

Chinese New Year can be especially meaningful for families who have adopted children from China. It is so vital that adoptive parents find ways to embrace the culture of their home country and celebrate their child’s rich heritage within their home. In order to research some of the best ways to participate in Chinese New Year festivities, I turned to some of our adoptive families to get ideas of special ways they have enjoyed celebrating this time of year with their children.

One adoptive mom, Anne, shared that their church has a big annual Chinese New Year celebration. Many of the people who come wear special Chinese outfits. They decorate the fellowship hall in red and yellow-gold. At last year’s celebration one of the Chinese men in the church made over 700 homemade dumplings! They have a potluck meal in which anyone in the community that wants to come is welcome to come and join in the festivities. She shared the picture below of their special gathering and I could not help but be moved by the beautiful smiles of so many individuals and families who set aside this time to celebrate the rich foods and customs of this Chinese holiday together. I can’t help but think of each child represented and the memories that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives about how special these gatherings were.

 

Anne also recommended this book, Bringing in the New Year by Grace Lin about a Chinese American family as they prepare for the Lunar New Year. In the book each member of the family lends a hand as they sweep out the dust of the old year, hang decorations, and make dumplings. Then it’s time to put on new clothes and celebrate with family and friends. The book beautifully illustrates the fireworks, lion dancers, shining lanterns, and a dragon parade to help bring in the Lunar New Year.

Another adoptive mom, Penny, shared traditions that they have developed to celebrate Chinese New Year since welcoming three precious children from China into their family. Each year their family sets aside a day to make lanterns to hang around their home. Construction paper or decorated scrapbook paper can be used to make these beautiful and festive lanterns. Here is a link that gives instructions for making lanterns and this is a craft that will be fun for all ages.

Two of Penny’s daughters are pictured below in their traditional silk dresses. We always recommend families picking out traditional Chinese clothes when they travel to China for their adoptions and purchase clothes in various sizes for their children to enjoy as they grow! Having dresses such as these to wear for Chinese New Year celebrations (or any time they wish!) can be such a special gift for adopted children.

In addition, when their kids were younger Penny would go to their classes and read a Chinese New Year book to give her children’s classmates information about the history and customs that make this holiday so special for Chinese families. Here is a link for some great books that teach small children about this special holiday.

And lastly, Penny shared that they save some sparklers from New Years Eve and light those on Chinese New Year as well. Penny shared the following:

I was so impressed to hear from an adoptive mom who wanted to share about one way they are celebrating Chinese New year for the first time after recently bringing their son, Langston, home from China. One custom that Brandy found that they could incorporate was that of hong bao which is an iconic symbol of Chinese New Year. A Chinese red envelope is simply an ornate red pocket of paper the size of an index card that holds money and it’s customary to leave the red envelope with two tangerines by a child’s bedside on New Year’s Eve. Brandy shared that they we worked on making red envelopes to put money in for Langston’s classmates (they shared $1). Langston was so excited about making these special envelopes and about sharing this custom with his new friends.

Another adoptive mom, Amanda, shared that they are hosting their own Chinese New Year celebration at their house for several other families that they know who have also adopted from China. They are having Chinese takeout, doing crafts with the kids with red envelopes, and have planned for some other activities that pertain to Chinese culture.

If you know of other families in your community that would want to celebrate with you but are not sure about preparing a huge meal yourself then why not invite each family to bring one dish from a local Chinese restaurant? What a fantastic (and affordable!) way to celebrate with other families in your community! If you have some helpful articles or ideas you would like to share on this topic, please submit in the comments below!

 

Here are a few other links with helpful hints about ways to celebrate Chinese New Year within your family and communities:

https://chinesenewyear2018.com/

https://www.leadtochina.com/travel/adoption-resource/how-to-celebrate-chinese-new-year-for-adoptive-families-202

Honoring Your Child’s Culture and Heritage

As we are celebrating Black History Month in February, it seemed timely to discuss ways that foster or adoptive parents can honor their child’s culture, heritage, and racial identity. This is not only something that is recommended for transracial families, but it is essential. Children have a deep desire to know their history and to have a strong sense of identity in who God made them. It is our responsibility as their parents to not only discuss issues related to race but to instill a sense of pride in our child regarding their rich heritage.

I recently got in touch with one of our adoptive families who welcomed their sweet, beautiful Eden into their family as a newborn over two years ago. When I asked Eden’s mother about the biggest lesson they’ve learned in becoming a transracial family, Ashley shared the following:

We have learned the importance of continuing to learn and being intentional! It’s so important to celebrate our daughter’s heritage. We want to honor the unique beauty God has given her while at the same time showing her “mirrors,” or people who look like her. We have chosen to be intentional in honoring our daughter’s culture and heritage. It won’t happen naturally, so it is something we have to seek out to make it a regular part of our lives. Do your homework! Have books, dolls, and resources in your house that honor his or her heritage. Follow social media accounts that celebrate or mirror your child’s culture. But most importantly, find actual people! Is there a festival in your town? A restaurant? A more diverse playground? A place of worship? Go! Make new friends! 

 

This transracial family life is a journey. I don’t have the advantage of having growing up in [my child’s] culture. There’s no way I could learn a lifetime of history, information, or hair care in a day. (Although, I could try! Hello, YouTube!) But give yourself grace. That’s where those newfound friends can be invaluable! If I take the posture of a student, I’ve yet to find someone who isn’t willing to teach, share, or encourage.

What honest, heartfelt, and beautiful advice! The fact is that honoring your foster or adoptive child’s culture or heritage is something that every parent needs to prioritize in their home and within their family. Some elements will come easier than others. There are times that you will feel out of your comfort zone. There are times when you will want to seek out proud and successful men or women of color for advice on how to raise your son or daughter. Asking for help in this way can be scary, but the reward can be so great.

In speaking with Eden’s mother, Ashley regarding the hardest lesson their family has learned in becoming a transracial family she shared the following:

It took having a child of a different race to care deeply about racial tension, divides, and injustices… And the evolution in my heart doesn’t automatically mean my family and friends have evolved, too. If you’re like me, you’ve read, studied, and listened to all the podcasts on transracial adoption. Chances are your friends and family have logged zero hours doing the same. Give them some grace, too. Sometimes- most of the time- this friction means having hard conversations to share what you’ve learned or how their words could be insensitive to your child. Sometimes (hopefully rarely) it means distancing yourself from some friends. Working toward unity is worth the effort! 

Do you have questions related to celebrating your child’s heritage or culture? Are there specific elements of this topic that you would like to address more directly? Please give us feedback so that we can share information that will be helpful to you.

Other resources you may find helpful are as follows:

Young Adult Transracial Adoptees Talk about Adoption– A podcast from the perspective of the adoptee. The host interviews four black adoptees in their twenties who were raised by white parents about their experience with transracial adoption.

Transracial Adoption: Talking About Race– an article regarding the importance of talking about race with your adopted child, including a link to the podcast “Transracial Adoption: Doing It Well.”

Raising a Child of Another Race– An article about instilling racial pride in adopted kids

Books on Transracial Adoption– this is a list of books that discuss issues related to transracial adoption.

Adopting Embryos Who Are a Different Ethnicity Than You

Our openness to adopting a child of a different ethnicity than our own really began years ago, when we knew God was putting Japan on our hearts. At the time, we didn’t realize that this growing interest in Japanese culture and love for Japanese people would have anything to do with adoption, let alone embryo adoption. Years later, as we prayed about whether God wanted us to adopt, we also prayed about who God would have us adopt. We felt led to consider the possibility of adopting from a family with Japanese heritage.

The idea of adopting a child with a different ethnicity was exciting, but also raised some inevitable questions. Would our child wish we shared the same ethnic background? Would ethnic differences only add to the potentially complex feelings faced by the child?

Confirmation came to both of us in different ways, through scripture verses and a sermon. We both felt God saying that when He puts a family together, ethnicity isn’t a hindrance. In a beautiful photo – from a sermon PowerPoint – of babies of all different ethnicities sitting together, God seemed to clearly speak to our hearts that He sees each one as His child, and He has a home for each child. We felt completely at peace from that point forward. God had answered our biggest questions and shown us His heart for adoption.

We were so thrilled when there was a genetic family with Japanese heritage that was interested in us! We loved reading about them and knew right away that they were the ones for us.

During the pregnancy and with the birth of our daughter, we have felt such a strong bond of love with her – a bond that would be no stronger had she been our genetic daughter. We are both so proud to be her parents. We are grateful to God for how He has put our family together, and every day we enjoy the blessing of our precious daughter.

Strengthening Your Marriage

 

As many people have experienced, children can put stress on a marriage relationship.  In fact, research shows that marriage satisfaction decreases after a couple has their first child.  Adopting a child, can create even more pressure on a marriage.  You may have already experienced infertility or other losses that has created stress.  You may also be anxious as you wait for a child, which is often out of your control.

Then, of course, once the child enters the home, there are the concerns related to the child and the child’s background. Because any adopted child has some uncertain background concerns, you are required to take pre-adoptive education.  This education will include attachment-informed parenting.  Such training is to help you improve the relationship with your child and help your child to heal from trauma, including the trauma caused by pre-natal injuries such as exposure to drugs/alcohol and maternal stress, and in addition to the more obvious traumas such as abuse and neglect.

While you are learning more about attachment-parenting, you can use this same type of training to also improve your marriage. Not only is a stronger marriage always better for the child who will enter your home, but the way that you improve your marriage can also be the means by which you can be a better parent to your adopted child.  In fact, the marriage counseling that has been scientifically proved to be the most effective is called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, and was developed by Susan Johnson.  Dr. Johnson is perhaps the foremost expert on attachment and marriage, and her book Hold Me Tight, and accompanying workbook, provide an easy to understand and step by step means to creating a closer more loving relationship.  If each spouse is more connected to each other, this leads to each one also becoming more securely attached.

For those wanting a book from a more Christian-based perspective, there are two excellent books by the Yerkoviches How We Love and How We Love Our Kids.  The first book provides attachment-based marriage strategies, and the latter, attachment parenting skills.  This husband and wife team compels us as Christians to look at our past to heal our futures.

Another book, specifically designed to help couples draw closer together and weather any storm and written from a Christian perspective, is Safe Haven Marriage by Archibald D. Hart and Sharon Hart Morris.  Certainly adopting a child from difficult circumstances can create some serious demands, and you will want to be well-prepared to navigate calmly the unexpected pressures.

The connection between having a strong marriage and being effective parents to an adopted child goes beyond just creating a stable home environment.  A strong marriage can create two securely attached individuals who can help their child to also become securely attached. An adopted child—especially one from a difficult past—cannot become any more securely attached than the parents.

Therefore, even if you did not have an ideal past, which may have resulted in your being less than securely attached, you can change to become what is called an “earned” securely attached person. There is further good news.  If you become securely attached as a result of the marriage and individual changes you make, studies show that you will be even a more empathetic parent than if you did come from a healthier background.   The even better news is that your adopted child is more likely to become securely attached.  Remember your adopted child can only become securely attached if you, the parents, are securely attached as well.

Learning to become a more empathetic listener and responder not only will bring you more aligned in what the Gospel calls us to be to others, but will also allow you to become more securely attached—meaning our families can also be stronger.

As with the effort that you have invested into adopting a child, improving your marriage will take time and resources.  And like adopting a child, there are priories that needed to be rearranged.

 

 

 

*If you would like to begin today to learn some practical  strategies that have  incorporated attachment-based  methods into their marriage, take a look at some of the book suggestions above and maybe even consider visiting the Smalley Institute  https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/  which provides a free couples communication course.

Waiting For a Child: How do I Pray?

When I started an adoption agency, 20 years ago, I soon learned that the most difficult part of the adoption journey for adoptive parents was the wait.  One of the first programs included adoptions from Ukraine.  Families traveled to Ukraine to select their child. Often these families experienced delays in their anticipated date of travel to Ukraine, where they identified and adopted their children.  These were truly blind matches.  Each one of these children had to be on a registry for at least one year.  Many times families who had a minor delay in getting to Ukraine found out that their children had just “come off the registry.”  If the parents had traveled just a week earlier, their child may not have been available. Once the parents realized this reality, they knew why God had allowed them to have a glitch, such as  finger-printing delays or waiting for a doctor’s letter.

Parents who have adopted domestically and have waited “too long” to be matched with an expectant mother or who have been matched only to have the birth mother change her mind, know all to well the range of emotions that comes with being passed by as the expectant mom selects another couple—or worse—watch as the baby goes home with a mom who may not be ready to parent while the couple  tearfully leaves the hospital with an empty car seat…Yet, when they finally receive their baby, they then understand and often say, “She was worth the wait.”

These stories have happy endings, and within a few months if not any more than a few years, the parents understand why there were delays and even rejections and denials.  But how do parents pray when they struggle to understand why a child waits in an orphanage while the country, which has decided to “become Hague-compliant” puts adoptions on hold, causing scores of children to languish in orphanages instead of thriving in loving families? How can the parents of these children see God’s perfect outcome when we all know that children belong in families and not malnourished and alone in orphanages?

Giving answers to provide hope for these parents is more than quoting a Bible verse.  For 20 years, I have hesitated to writing such words in how to pray while the parents wait. Here is one reason for my hesitation: a long-gone agency would send a list of Bible verses to waiting families that  I sensed had the overtone of “you are just not praying enough, and your impatience is sinful.”  I always felt that “telling” families how to pray was patronizing and did not send a message of empathy.

As waiting parents, we know that God cares for the orphan and unborn child, but how do we reconcile God’s care for this child yet the adoption is delayed or thwarted? More specifically, we each may ask, “How do I pray for my child and his adoption, knowing God is sovereign?”  After all, “He does whatever He pleases” (Psalm 115:3).

Perhaps it is not in the understanding of the delays or denials in adoption that should direct our prayers. Neither is it understanding the dashed expectations that come with receiving a child who has more serious medical problems, or unknown cognitive and developmental delays, or greater emotional issues than anticipated. Rather, it is knowing that God has a plan—whether we know or even like that plan.

Not only have we been told God has a plan, but we also know the character of God. This understanding of God rather than the circumstances enables us to pray for the child for whom we long.

So what do we know about God as we pray for our child?

First, we read in Ephesians 1:3-5 that God chose us for adoption in Him.  If God is in control of our adoption in Him, then he, likewise, is in control of our children’s adoptions. We also know from a few verses down, in Ephesian 1:11, that He works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will.

God now only has a will and purpose for each one of us—starting with our glorifying Him—but He also has a will for waiting children.  In fact, God has a special place and concern for orphans.

10 Ways to Practically Praying For My Child’s Adoption

  1. Ask God to prepare your heart and minds for your child in realistic and practical ways.
  2. Ask others to pray. God can use these prayers to make your friends and family more sensitive to the plight of orphans, and the needs of birth parents.
  3. Pray that God would protect your child’s body, heart, and mind.
  4. Pray for your child’s salvation.
  5. Pray for your child’s birth parents.  You may never know your child’s birth parents living in another country, God knows who they are.  Pray for their salvation, their comfort, and their needs.
  6. Pray for government officials in Washington and abroad. So many delays and country closings are caused by those who sit in high places (Proverbs 21:1).
  7. Pray for the details of the adoption that God would enable the process to go smoothly according to His will. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21).
  8. Pray for those who work on your adoption. We need good health, strong minds, and resourcefulness to accomplish the tasks at hand.  The evil one would does not desire children to be in homes.
  9. Pray for your marriage and that during this time, you and your spouse will grow closer together.
  10. Pray that the adoption process would go smoothly and quickly.

Don’t Give Up on Those Healthy Resolutions!

After the holidays, it’s normal for families to start resolutions to get healthy again–especially after Christmas and New Year’s, where treats pop up everywhere, and cold weather means bundling up under the blankets and watching a movie or two. Once you’re ready to start fresh, staying active is a common and helpful resolution.

For adoptive families there’s a reason why staying active shouldn’t just be a new year’s goal. An active lifestyle has proven to help heal trauma in adopted children.

What is Trauma? Trauma disrupts your body’s equilibrium, freezing you in a state of hyper-arousal and fear. Essentially, your nervous system gets “stuck”. Trauma can be caused by a lot of different situations like a one-time event like abuse, ongoing relentless stress from living in an area that isn’t safe or where food and water isn’t plentiful, and the loss of a significant relationship like a birth parent. Often children who were adopted come from one or more of those types of situations.

Children who have experienced trauma at any age will need help from their adoptive family getting “unstuck” from their trauma, no matter what age they experienced it.

How Does Exercise Help? Studies have shown that exercise and movement can help your nervous system become “unstuck.” Exercise that is rhythmic and engages both your arms and legs—such as walking, running, swimming, basketball, martial arts, or even dancing—works best. This is a great activity for families to do together, and even helps with bonding. The more you can make exercise a family routine and habit the more you can help your child begin to heal from their childhood trauma.

Dance party anyone?

 

*please note that exercise should not be your only approach to addressing adoption trauma with your child(ren). If you have concerns about adoption trauma you should work with a mental health professional to make a plan that is tailored to your child’s unique experience and needs.

Is This Your Year To Adopt?

It’s that time of year again. Time to set goals, organize your life, and start fresh with the new year! Many couples decide that adoption might be one of the goals for the next year. Is this your year to adopt?

Of course a decision this big is not something that can be made simply by a resolution; research and action are both crucial steps to helping a goal become a reality. You may want to ask yourself some important questions to help decide what type of adoption you might want to pursue:

 

  • What age of child are we thinking about adopting? You may be surprised to find that the majority of adoptions that take place are not infants, but older children that are anywhere between the ages of 3-18.

 

  • What is our financial limit for an adoption process? Different types of adoption come with different costs, from travel costs to legal expenses and everything in between. You will want to start making a goal to save up, and consider if you are comfortable with fundraising, adoption grants or loans. Planning this important factor out will help you make this resolution a reality.

 

  • What type of adoption are you wanting to pursue? Adoption doesn’t come in one shape or size. Nightlight has several adoption programs available: including the Snowflakes embryo adoption program, international adoption, domestic infant adoption, and even foster care and adoption. Watch the video below to learn more about each program so you can begin to plan your adoption journey.

 

Learn more: Nightlight’s Program Overview

Say This, Not That: 5 Positive Adoption Phrases

The words we use to describe adoption can have a profound impact on the way others view adopted children and families. It can also drastically impact a woman’s decision to place for adoption if she feels like she is not a “real” parent or feels negatively judged for “giving away” her baby. See below for some of the commonly misused terms in adoption and our suggestion for language that gives dignity and value to those connected to adoption.

 

Negative: Real or natural father/mother/parent

Positive: Biological or birth father/mother/parent

The adoption triad is an intricate set of relationships between the child, birthparents, and adoptive parents. In open adoption, each member in this relationship takes an active and unique role. The terms “real” or “natural” given to a birthparent would imply that the adoptive parent is “fake” or “unnatural” and vice versa, which is not true. While the adoptive parents are the ones who are raising the child, both the birthparents and adoptive parents play a pivotal role in a child’s life and should be recognized by terminology that assigns value to the birthparent and in turn, value to the child.

A big story in the media recently focused on Olympian Simone Biles and her parents. A commentator incorrectly emphasized that Biles’ parents were “not” her parents because they were biologically her grandparents, not the parents who gave birth to her. Biles brilliantly responded to the commentator by saying, “I personally don’t have a comment. My parents are my parents and that’s it.” Regardless of any biological link, they are her parents and that is how we should view adoptive families.

 

Negative: Give away/Give up my child for adoption

Positive: Make an adoption plan

Expectant mothers make an incredibly brave and loving decision when choosing adoption. The imagery of “giving away” suggests tossing aside. You can give away a sweater or a gift to someone with no regard for what happens to it but that is not the same thing as the life of a child. When an expectant mother decides to make an adoption plan, it truly is a plan, not a quick decision. She has considered the impact of this decision on herself, the birthfather, the child, other children she may have, and her family members and friends. She has taken time to find a trusted agency and met with a caseworker on many occasions to choose the best family for her child. She has felt the weight of grief and loss in her decision and still makes a selfless decision on what is truly best, not just what she is feeling.

People aren’t objects to be given away. Instead, adoption means making a customized plan to provide a forever family for a child. It is crucial that we speak about adoption in this way to convey the seriousness that women carry into making this decision for their child.

 

Negative: Keep my baby

Positive: Parent my baby

When used in this context, the term “parent” describes an active relationship. When a woman is making a decision between adoption and parenting, there is considerable thought given toward what her future would look like. You do not just “keep” a child, like an item put on a shelf. Parenting is an 18+ year choice full of action, responsibility, and daily care. It is important that an expectant mother understands this is a heavy choice, especially if she is not in a place at the time to accept the responsibility to be a parent.

 

Negative: Unwanted child

Positive: Child placed for adoption

While a pregnancy may not always have been planned, a child is always wanted.  He or she is wanted by the Lord that created them and the adoptive family that brought them into their home. The child is also very loved by his or her birthmother that made a loving plan for the child. This terminology devalues a child’s inherent worth and purpose on this earth and should never be used to describe them.

 

Negative: Adopted child or Adoptive parent

Positive: Child or Parent

While it is important at times to distinguish when a child is biological or adopted or between the biological parents and the adopted parents of a child, that qualifier is not necessary in every situation. Parents do not think of their children in two separate categories – adopted versus biological. They are all their children, with the same rights, love, and care given to each equally.

When we speak about adoption, we should be careful to notice when we assign those adjectives and question in ourselves why we felt the need to make the distinction. You cannot read a news article about Connor or Isabella Cruise without seeing them described as the “adopted” children of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. (This goes for virtually any news story about any family with adopted children.) Assigning this additional term onto a child’s story could make them feel ostracized from their family or send the message that children who have been adopted are lesser or different.

 

Changing the way we speak about adoption takes practice. This is an important lesson for us to learn as our words have the power to speak life over those touched by adoption and give them honor and value.

 

By Heather McAnear

Unborn Babies Can Recognize Human Faces. What!?!

A recent report from British scientists explains why researchers believe that unborn babies recognize faces just like newborn babies do. It has been clear for decades that newborns recognize and prefer to look at faces. This research demonstrates this ability exists before birth. By projecting simple images through the uterine wall, they were able to determine that babies in the womb turned more often to look at images resembling faces than they did other images. The capabilities of the unborn child continue to amaze scientists.

Embryo adoption allows a couple to experience pregnancy and childbirth, and gives remaining embryos in frozen storage an opportunity to be born. Learn more at EmbryoAdoption.org.

This is a 4-D ultrasound of a unborn baby tracking the stimulus. CREDIT: KIRSTY DUNN & VINCENT REID