Called To Adoption: Where To Start?

 

It’s the start of a brand new year, and among your other goals, adoption comes up. Many couples feel called to adopt, either from discussing it for years, because of an infertility journey, or sometimes after hearing a touching story about a child and their forever family. Since this is a common time of year for planning, adoption may be something you are wanting to consider more seriously.

 

Talking about adoption, and starting an adoption process are two very different things. So how do other people go from dreaming, to achieving their goals?

 

Step 1: Research the different types of adoption

If you haven’t looked into it yet, there are many different avenues for adoption. Each one unique with different pro’s, con’s, costs, and timelines. You may want to get a basic overview (hyperlink: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCg7-2WPoOM&t) about each of the options before further researching. It may help to start with simple questions like what age of child you are hoping to adopt, or whether or not you will be available to travel for an adoption process.

 

Step 2: Pick up your phone and call for more information

While it’s tempting to try to gather as much information as you can through the internet, it can also take a lot of time and lead to misinformation. Agencies have trained staff who are available to answer your questions, and help you decide if an adoption program may be the right fit. Chances are there might even be some questions you haven’t thought of yet that they can catch you up on.

 

Step 3: Pray together and narrow your options down

With a basic understanding of the types of adoption you could consider, and your questions answered, you are now in a place to discuss and pray about what program may be right for your family. This can be a vital stage in the process that you won’t want to skip over. Seeking God and making sure that everyone is on the same page will save a lot of stress down the road. It’s natural to feel nervous about starting such an important journey, but make sure you also have peace about it.

 

Step 4: Get started

This can look different from program to program, usually it means filling out an application. Adoption can be a paper intensive process, so it helps to stick your toe in the water before jumping in. You will have plenty of work ahead, but the end result is an incredibly important little person that is waiting to meet you. They are worth every step of the process.

 

If you would like more information about different adoption programs, talk through your questions with our trained staff at (502)423-5780, or fill out our inquiry form. (hyperlink: https://nightlight.mysamdb.com/SAM/Fm/ApplicationForm_Preliminary_NL_Edt.aspx)

New Year Resolutions

 

As we approach a New Year, thoughts and conversations around resolutions are inevitable. Whether we resolve to go to the gym more, worry less or finally plant that garden, most of us face January 1st with motivation and resolve to conquer the impossible. And most of us know that by March (if we’re lucky) that motivation has been drained and life has somehow gotten in the way of bringing the full resolution into reality. So why does that happen year after year?

 

I would argue we each get in the way of ourselves.  Never did I involve God in my resolution until a few years ago. I decided my resolution would simply be: Less of me, more of Him. It was the hardest resolution I have ever made, but certainly the most effective, educational and life changing. First I had to figure out where, when, and how this resolution would take place. Every day, all day? What would that look like? Did I need to become Mother Theresa? Then I remembered 1 Thessalonians 5:17: Pray without ceasing. To me that verse means including Him in all things, big or small, all day long. So I did my best to start with that.

 

With that in mind and habit, I allowed God to form HIS resolutions in me. It became less about what I wanted to change, but more about discovering what He wanted to change within me, around me and for me. The burden of a new resolution became less about goals and more about BEING who my Father wanted me to be.

 

In this New Year, we challenge you to simply press in to the relationship you have with your heavenly Father. We know from 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; The old has gone, the new is here!  It is truly a miracle that we have opportunity to renew ourselves by simply stepping into a relationship with Christ – either for the first time or deeper into the on we have. No membership fees, no diets, no degrees required.

 

Happy New Year to all of our Nightlight families and extended community! May 2019 bring you abundant blessings and joy to all.

God’s Greatest Gift

 

 

As we enter the Christmas season, there are so many things to be thankful for: the health of living in a bountiful nation, the happiness of having choices, and the hope of what tomorrow will bring. Yet as we ponder these things amongst our daily to do lists, nothing would seem quite as important, if we did not have loved ones with whom we could share this season of joy and celebration with. Hearing family and friends laugh, and experiencing their embrace as they express their gratitude for having received what their hearts desired, reminds me of the blessings I have received from my heavenly Father.

He answered my prayer to become a parent. I longed to hold a little one in my arms and know I had been used by God to bring he, or she, into the world. What a wonderful blessing that would be…my little one is 25 years old now. I am forever grateful and amazingly blessed to be a part of such a miracle.  

During this season, perhaps you, too, have similar thoughts or feelings, desiring to become a parent, and welcome a baby into your loving arms and become part of your family.

Whether you have remaining embryos that you desire to place with another couple for the purpose of adoption, or whether you desire to adopt embryos so that you can know the joys, and challenges, of parenthood, we encourage you to reach out to us. The Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Team are waiting to answer your questions.

 

We wish you and your loved ones a Merry Christmas.

Ways To Give To the Foster Adopt Community

 

 

The holidays are a joyous time of year. But unless gift gifting is your love language, finding gifts for everyone on your Christmas list can cause some extra stress! Here are some recommendations on how you can bless the foster or foster adoptive child or parent in your life this Christmas season.

 

Date-Night In Gift Package

Finding respite care for children in foster care, or feeling comfortable leaving your children with a stranger, is a hard thing for a foster parent. A “date night” in could be the perfect compromise for your foster family. You could include toys or activities for the children, board games or crafts, and gift the parents a movie and popcorn. Offering to provide in-home babysitting while they have their date night is an extra bonus!

 

Gift Cards to Restaurants or Grocery Stores

As your family grows, it can get expensive to eat out. But many foster children have not experienced dinners at a sit-down restaurant, so this would provide an extra special treat for the family. It also provides the parents a break from cooking!

 

Photo Books /Frames

Photo books can be very special for foster children who may not have any pictures of themselves as babies or toddlers. Many foster parents create Lifebooks, a recording of the child’s memories, past and present, that are preserved in a binder, photo album, or book. This is a gift that can stay with the foster child if they return home. Or photo frames the parents can hang on the wall will help a child feel part of the family and provide a sense of extra comfort.

 

Relaxation

Items that provide relaxation for the foster parents is always appreciated. It could be a journal, candles, bath salts, a gift certificate for a massage, or a good book.

 

Sensory Tools & Games

Many children in foster care struggle with sensory integration or the processing and organizing of sensory information from the senses. When a child struggles with sensory integration, they can have a hard time interpreting sensory information. Sensory tools such as a weighted blanket, fidgets, balance disks, etc. can be extremely helpful for a child!

This website has a list of sensory tools recommended by occupational therapists: https://www.therapyshoppe.com/specials/1423-sensory-toys-tools-products-for-sensory-integration-special-needs-kids-children

 

Handmade Gift Certificates

Handmade gift certificates for a month of weekly homemade meals, offers to provide babysitting, or yard care can go a long way, especially for working foster parents.

 

 

If you don’t have a specific child or family in mind, but want to give back to the foster adopt community, here are some recommendations on how to bless and support local and nationwide organizations who have a direct impact on foster youth and teens:

 

Together We Rise – This organization is comprised of motivated young adults and former foster youth. They partner with hundreds of foster agencies, social workers, CASA advocates, and others across the nation to support foster youth. They provide thousands of foster youth with new bicycles, college supplies, and sweet cases so children don’t have to travel from home to home with their belongings in at trash bag. Learn more here: https://www.togetherwerise.org/projects/

 

Dream Makers –Every year, 26,000 teens age out of the foster care system without a family to call their own. Many are left without a loving support system or resources to help them reach their full potential. Dream Makers allows you to meet the needs and dreams of these youth as they enter into adulthood. Requests have included laptops for college, emergency funds, funds for driver’s education classes, and much more. Learn more here: https://dreammakersproject.org/ .

 

The Adoption Exchange – A nonprofit organization that helps establish safety and permanency in the lives of foster children. They provide recruitment services to help children who have survived abuse and neglect find families, training for families and child welfare professionals, and support families along their foster care and adoption journey. Headquartered in Colorado, the Adoption Exchange also operates in Missouri, Nevada, Utah, Oklahoma, South Dakota and Wyoming. They have a birthday fund to provide birthday gifts for children waiting in foster care, volunteer opportunities, and monthly giving opportunities. Learn more here: https://www.adoptex.org/

 

Creating a Life Book For Your Adoptive/Foster Child

 

 

 

Creating Lifebooks for our children is one of those things in life that some parents follow through better than others, like sending out Christmas cards. The desire is there, we’ve pictured the outcome, we understand the appreciation it will bring others, and some have gotten as far as making a Shutterfly account. But then, before we know it, it’s December 24th, December 25th, January 1st, January 30th and we’ve convinced ourselves that next year we will do better.

I get it, life is busy, especially now that we’re parenting. But unlike Christmas Cards, that are eventually thrown away or tossed into a drawer, Lifebooks serve as  lifelong tools for our children. It connects a child with their past. It helps them make sense of their experiences, the good and painful. It’s a vehicle that facilitates discussion about the often-messy circumstances leading to their adoption, helps navigate their grief of losses and past traumas, and aids to dispel magical thinking or false beliefs that somehow they caused the separation from their birth family.  All of which, if handled correctly, contributes to strengthening a child’s positive self-identify.

Through a quick internet search, you can find a lot of wonderful resources about creating a Lifebook for your adoptive/foster child. Most of the blogs and articles are better than I could ever recreate. Here are some of the highlights that I’ve learned from my thirteen years working in the adoptions and foster care field.

 

  1. Lifebooks are not reserved for the Pinterest parent. Lifebooks are not meant to be perfect or even pretty. They are filled photos, artwork, words, historic information and journal entries. No Shutterfly account needed. Use a book were pages can be added and rearranged, such as a three-ring binder.
  2. Don’t know where to begin? Start with important dates and places. Stuck again? Search the web for template pages and ideas. Iowa’s Foster and Adoptive Parent Association IFAPA has created over seventy free life book pages for foster and adoptive families and social workers to use. http://www.ifapa.org/publications/ifapa_lifebook_pages.asp
  3. Do a little legwork. I know of one fost/adopt family whose daughter attended twelve schools in only eight years. To help fill in her story, they retrieved the names of the schools from former case workers and spent one summer visiting each school, taking photographs of the schools and asking the school offices for their daughter’s yearbook picture.
  4. Involved the masses. Contact important individuals from your child’s past and ask them to contribute notes and memories. These people may include case workers, foster parents, teachers, mentors, coaches, etc. Even if you don’t have many contacts from your child’s past, you must have had contact with a social worker who facilitated your adoption.
  5. Involve your child. The life book is for your child and in order for it to be a useful therapeutic too., they must contribute. When they are young it may be a drawing they made of their birth family. As they get older they can contribute more. They also must be allowed to handle it, carry it around, land ook at it when they please.
  6. Remain honest. A Lifebook should provide a child the truth about their own life history. The story can become more sophisticated as the child grows older. As painful as it may be, recording the reasons for the child’s adoption is important because truth dispels false beliefs that a child may otherwise have that they caused the circumstances that led them to be separated from their birth family and false guilt that may affect their self-worth. Lifebooks also allow for feelings, complicated and real, such as how much a child loves their birth parents and positive memories living with their birth family even when those parents may have been neglectful, abusive or primarily absent
  7. Leave lots of blank pages to continue to document your child’s growth, development, school progress, hobbies, and relationships etc.

The simple fact is there is no right or wrong way to make a Lifebook, but by not doing a Lifebook you’re missing a powerful way to positively impact your child’s sense of self and the way they view their past, present and future. It’s also a great way to deepen the parent/child relationship. The Christmas cards can wait until next year, your child’s Lifebook should not.