Goins Family’s Story

In our family, openness with our children’s birthmoms has been a true blessing.

We have an open relationship with our daughter Natalie’s birthmom. We have kept in contact with her (I’ll call her G for privacy) through Facebook, phone calls, texts, & visits. G asks about Natalie, comes to our home in Alabama to visit for birthdays, and shares photos of Natalie with friends & family. On our visit back to Greenville, SC, for the adoption finalization, we were blessed to be able to meet some of G’s family & to let them love on Natalie. Not only is our relationship with G an open one, but she is also very open in talking to others about her relationship with Natalie and with us. She has even expressed to us a desire to mentor other birthmoms who might need someone to talk to who can empathize.

In October 2012, we got a phone call from Nightlight that we were chosen by a birthmom for our second adoption; two weeks after that call, we traveled to Greenville, SC, to meet this new birthmom (referred to as Q for privacy). Two weeks after that meeting, we were travelling to Charleston, SC, for the birth of our son Tyson, who would be born with a heart defect that would require surgery soon after birth.

While Tyson was in the hospital, we had the added blessing of getting to know Q better. We didn’t have much time before the birth to do this, and what a great experience it was! We were able to spend about two weeks getting to know her, while she stayed in town to be sure Tyson’s surgery went well. We shared tears over the news that he would need a heart catheterization immediately after birth. We shared meals in the hospital cafeteria. We shared late night coffee. We shared a love for some of the same books. We shared thankfulness for the excellent hospital staff. And most of all, we shared a love for the tiny bundle of joy who spent days in the NICU, followed by an eight hour heart surgery and three weeks in the hospital for recovery.

When leaving Charleston to head back home to Alabama, we made a short detour to Greenville, to visit Q and to have the chance to meet some of her family and let them love on Tyson a little. I can’t say what that visit did for Q or for her family, but it did my heart good to see so many people love on our son. A child cannot ever receive too much love, and this child now has two separate families who have been joined together by him, who will shower him in love for the rest of his life.

I cannot express how much these two open relationships mean to our family. Natalie and Tyson will always know who G and Q are, and the selfless decisions they made for them. G and Q have even had a chance to meet each other, and hopefully that relationship will be a healthy one for both of them. How amazing is it to have so many lives continually blessed by the willingness of birthmoms and adoptive families to maintain such openness!

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