Our journey has been a joyful, yet difficult time. Let’s start off from the beginning. Eddie and I had met a few years before in High School, it had been on and off for a while. At the end of ’09 we found ourselves at a rough spot, being in denial for nearly a month and a half. I had been late and finally made the step to take an at home pregnancy test. Thankfully, I worked at a medical office and was able to get one from the provider. First time having to take one. I was pretty flustered as to what to expect. After what seemed like an eternity, the test came up positive. I was filled with so many emotions, my hands trembled as I texted Eddie not knowing what we would do next. Abortion? Marry? Adoption? No! Not adoption, I can’t go through that! We can’t get married, how can we afford a baby? Abortion? I don’t want to, but it is the only option left.
I scheduled an appointment at Planned Parenthood. I was able to get squeezed in after the weekend. Eddie came to the appointment with me. I was hoping that the second pregnancy test I took came back negative. It was positive. Next thing I knew I was scheduling an appointment at planned parenthood’s abortion site. I was out and in within three hours. The day comes and goes, I “forget”. I schedule another appointment, another excuse is used. The last week to have an abortion arrives and Eddie tells me “we can’t do this, I have a few adoption agencies let’s call them”. I agree, but first we start with the prenatal care. Vitamins, Dr. appointments, iron pills, and ultrasounds. Countless visits to the doctor the first week. I call and speak to someone at Nightlight but decide to call a few more places. After calling about five adoption sites we decided to go with Nightlight.
Procrastination and indecisiveness made us wait a few months, too many months. Two months before the baby is delivered and the sex is still unknown. We finally decided to call back to Nightlight, turns out the last person we had spoken to wasn’t there. We got connected with Mary and scheduled a meeting. We were so nervous to go, yet we were determined to go through it; our child needs a good home and someone that can provide. Meeting with Mary for the first time was nerve-racking and shocking. This was really it; we are putting our child for adoption. Knowing, that this was the right thing, we asked to see three parents that had been waiting a long time. The first book, a pediatrician, the baby would be cared for very well with them. After reading the second book I knew we had found the parents. They reminded me of us; that is what I wanted for the baby. I tell Eddie “Look that’s us” and I hand him the book. After a few minutes he says, “that’s them.” Our meeting ends, we are on our way home when we get the call, the parents we picked are on a trip, we must wait a few days. This gives us time to prepare and finish some paperwork. I am complete mess, crying alone not wanting Eddie to see how upset I am. The day of our meeting finally arrives, we meet at a restaurant. Mary is there, her presence helps Eddie and I. Our first meeting goes well; it also proved to us that they were the right parents. We say our goodbyes exchange numbers and look forward to the future. We decided weeks after that we wanted to know the sex of the baby. We take a trip with the adoptive parents to get an ultrasound. Getting a clear ultrasound was tough, since the baby had been far too along by now. A couple of hours later and we know the sex of the baby, it’s a baby girl!
A month later Eddie and I enclosed ourselves in a hotel that was close to the hospital, since transportation wasn’t a commodity. During this time I would regularly check in with Mary and the adoptive parents. The expected date comes and goes; I begin to feel very anxious. Two days later at 7a.m, I awake in dire need to use the rest room. My water breaks while I am in the rest room. I scream “Eddie! Eddie! It’s time”. Immediately he wakes, we call Mary, then rush to the hospital. I call the adoptive parents, they are on their way. I’m checked in and, to my surprise, I get a personal room. 24 hours pass and the beautiful baby girl is born. She looks just like Eddie. The adoptive parents kindly leave us alone the first night and they sleep at our hotel room. That night we eat Dennys, change our baby’s diaper and feed her for the first time. We are ecstatic to finally meet her!
By noon of the next day I am able to leave. So many emotions run through me, I call the nurse to tell her it’s time. I am wheel-chaired out of the hospital. I kiss my baby goodbye the adoptive parents put her in their car. They hug me and hand me a necklace, we all have one. It joins us all together, for her. I cry as I get into Mary’s car. We head back to the hotel room and finish up some paperwork. Once that is concluded, Mary leaves. I feel so empty, so alone, I cry. Eddie comforts me; he lets me know that she isn’t gone. We will always have her in our hearts; we did what was best for her. We gave her a life that we could never have given her. Yes, it will hurt, but knowing that we did all of this for her makes things a lot easier to deal with. Slowly I realize that he is right, slowly I begin to feel better. We get updates all the time, we meet every six months. She has grown to be such a beautiful baby with the biggest smile I have ever seen. Her parents are amazing. Mary has been the best, always a call away, meeting with us even after giving birth to the baby. To this day, my love for the baby has grown. Our relationship with the adoptive parents has flourished and continues to grow. Now there is the future to look forward to.
I’ve Been in Your Shoes
My name is Pam and I am someone who has been in your shoes. I know first-hand the feelings that go along with an unplanned pregnancy: embarrassment, shame, disappointment, confusion, guilt and fear just to name a few.
At that time in my life there was so much chaos and negativity in and around me. I was in an extremely unhealthy and abusive relationship with my baby’s father. It became so abusive in fact that I ended up in a shelter for domestic violence victims a couple of months later. At that time I was unable to care and provide for my then 12 year old daughter who was residing with my brother and his family. I knew that I was in no position to take care of a baby….I was struggling to take care of myself. There was one thing I knew for sure however; abortion was not an option.
I did my homework and found out about Nightlight Christian Adoptions. I made an appointment to meet with their social worker. The moment I met the social worker I instinctively felt safe and secure with her. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was God’s will for me to give this child life then give her to another family who would teach her how to live that life.
The support and encouragement I received from Nightlight’s social worker was priceless. She never pressured me, but allowed me to come to my own personal decisions while providing a sounding board when I needed one (and I needed one often). I remember asking how I would know for sure who the right family for my baby was and she said that I would just know. She was absolutely right. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that these were the people God ordained to adopt my daughter.
Thankfully I was able to spend a considerable amount of time with my baby’s mom throughout the last 3 months of my pregnancy which I believe made all the difference in the world. She accompanied me to my weekly fetal monitoring and ultrasound visits. That time together enabled us to develop a remarkable bond of trust, love, and friendship. She was able to share with me about all the heartache that surrounded her and her husband’s battle with infertility. I gave birth to my healthy 8 lb 12 oz daughter and her adoptive parents were in the delivery room with me. What a miracle and gift of God that He was able to use me to bless this amazing and deserving couple.
I don’t know what I would have done or how I would have gotten through this experience if God hadn’t brought Nightlight’s social worker into my life. She was (and is) such an integral part of my adoption journey. It’s awesome because I still keep in touch with her and we will get together for lunch whenever she happens to be in my neck of the woods. The relationship I have with my daughter’s parents (especially her mom) is utterly priceless. I’m so grateful to God for putting this amazing agency, Nightlight, and amazing people in my life. It’s incredible to be a part of something so much bigger than myself.