Nightlight Blog

20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

20created by Sherrie Eldridge

Sherrie Eldridge is an adoptee herself and an author, speaker and trainer in adoption. She has written a book specifically about what adopted kids wished their parents knew.

This list will give you amazing insight whether you are an adoptive parent, an adoptee, or are considering adoption … and they can also apply to kids and parents in the foster care system.

1. I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible.
2. I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed.
3. If I don’t grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered.
4. My unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you.
5. I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption and then validate them.
6. Just because I don’t talk about my birth family doesn’t mean I don’t think about them.
7. I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family.
8. I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history, no matter how painful the details may be.
9. I’m afraid I was “given away” by my birth mother because I was a bad baby. I need you to help me dump my toxic shame.
10. I am afraid you will abandon me.
11. I may appear more “whole” than I actually am. I need your help to uncover the parts of myself that I keep hidden so I can integrate all the elements of my identity.
12. I need to gain a sense of personal power.
13. Please don’t say that I look or act just like you. I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences.
14. Let me be my own person, but don’t let me cut myself off from you.
15. Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption. Don’t tell other people without my consent.
16. Birthdays may be difficult for me.
17. Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing for me.
18. I am afraid I will be too much for you to handle.
19. When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me and respond wisely.
20. Even if I decide to search for my birth family, I will always want you to be my parents.

You can get the entire book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or other book stores.

Sherrie Eldridge….Coaching Adoptees to Get Strong and Move On

A twice-reunited adoptee, Eldridge is a straight-shooting, transparent, and compassionate author, speaker, and trainer in the field of adoption. Her books are research-based, yet woven within are poignant messages pounded out on the anvil of her adoptee heart. This is what makes Eldridge unique! Because her books hit core needs, readers review her work with anger or thanks. She takes this in stride, knowing its the price of being a pioneer and that many critics return with thanks. One adoptive parent said she had a beautiful heart because she had the courage to tell him what his daughter might experience.

In 2010, Eldridge received the Congressional Angel in Adoption Award from the Honorable Congressman Dan Burton of Indiana.

Posted on May 17th, 2013 in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Apple Trees and Adoption

Please enjoy this video from Colleen Marquez talking about her book “A Gift for Little Tree”. See how her struggles with infertility lead to a new perspective and changed her heart toward adoption.

Posted on May 15th, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged adoption, Adoption Videos, Domestic Adoption, Embryo Adoption, Foster Adoption, International Adoption | Leave a comment

Nightlight Christian Adoptions: Colorado State License Renewed

LovelandCongratulations to the Nightlight Colorado adoption agency professional staff!

On Tuesday of this week the state of Colorado adoption licensing division visited our offices for their annual review of our services. The licensing staff completed a thorough examination of our adoption services over the past year and makes note of any areas of deficiency needing correction or improvement. We a pleased to report that our Colorado adoption office was found to have zero, none, nada issues at this time, and we passed with flying colors!

Our Colorado adoption offices in Loveland and Aurora will continue to provide you with excellent domestic, international, embryo adoption and home study services. We also provide post adoption counseling services throughout the state.

New developments are also on the horizon for Nightlight. At the end of this year we are excited to announce that Nightlight Colorado will begin serving children in foster care.

Contact us here in Colorado at 970-663-6799 or email Liana@Nightlight.org.

Nightlight will continue its illustrious 54 year history of serving families in Colorado, South Carolina, California, Kentucky and throughout the nation for years to come.

Posted on April 26th, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged adoption, Domestic Adoption, Embryo Adoption, Home Study, International Adoption | Leave a comment

Dark Past, Bright Future

romaniaLearning about a country’s history is often important and helpful when deciding where to adopt from. Even though many countries have a dirty and saddening past with their orphan care, it can still be inspiring and helpful in your search for adoption. A recent article published in the Scientific American focuses on Romania and a study that was conducted on infants and young children in their orphanages. The study group was able to split up children in to groups where one group was put into foster care while the other group stayed in an orphanage. The results in this study were amazing in the differences of foster care and the orphan system. Children placed into a foster home setting showed to have a higher IQ as they grew compared to children in an orphanage. Foster care children also had less anxiety and were able to attach to loved ones easier than children in orphan care.

To read the article visit the Scientific American website.

To learn more about Romania adoption with Nightlight Christian Adoption Romania Adoption Page.

Posted on April 22nd, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged adoption, International Adoption, Romania Adoption | Leave a comment

What’s Your Attitude and Practice? Take this survey before April 30!

sur

Nightlight would like to encourage you to respond to this multi-national online survey of the attitudes and practices of people regarding assisted reproductive technologies (ART).

As many of you know, our Snowflakes program was created to both help people who have used ART choose a positive solution for remaining frozen human embryos through embryo donation and to help families achieve their hope of pregnancy and childbirth.

Since 1997 there have now been over 330 babies born to Snowflake families as a result of the generosity of many embryo donations.

The primary investigator of the study is Dr. Megan Best, an Australian physician and recent author of Fearfully and Wonderfully Made (Matthias Media, 2012). The survey is being sponsored in the U.S. by the Center for Bioethics and Human Dignity (CBHD).

Please take the survey now.

Posted on April 17th, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged ART, Assisted Reproductive Technology, Embryo Adoption, embryo donation, IVF | Leave a comment

FACING THE NATION’S FEEDING CRISIS ONE CHILD AT A TIME

love me feed me

The Following is a press release for the “Love Me, Feed Me” book written by Katja Rowell, MD.

St. Paul, MN August 14, 2012 – Feeding and weight worries are a significant source of conflict for families today, and fostering and adopting families face additional challenges. Love Me, Feed Me is a relationship-building, practical guide to help fostering and adoptive families enjoy family meals and raise children who eat a variety of foods and grow to have the body that is right for them. Grounded in science, but made real with the often heart-breaking and inspiring words of parents who have been there, Dr. Katja Rowell helps readers understand and address feeding challenges many foster and adopted children face, from simple picky eating to entrenched food obsession, oral motor and developmental delays, “feeding clinic failures,” and more.

Though written primarily for the adoptive and fostering audience, Rowell, aka, the “Feeding Doctor,” shares that her clients are all more alike than different. “This book is a distillation of the advice and support I provide all my families as they transform a troubled feeding relationship into a healthy one, and bring peace and joy back to the family table.”

If you’d like more information about this topic, or to schedule an interview with Dr. Katja Rowell, please call 1-888-848-6802 or email info@thefeedingdoctor.com.

Posted on April 4th, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged Adoption Nutrition, International Adoption | Comments Off

Part of the Extended Family

adoptive familyHave you come across a hard time of noticing difference with your adopted child? Your child may be at that stage where they are noticing biological differences or may be more curious about where they come from. What you can do to make your adopted child feel more included and apart of your family? This article has some great examples on how to help your family feel like you all belong together and always will. http://www.growbeyondwords.com/adoption

Posted on March 11th, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged adoption, Adoption Resources, International Adoption | Comments Off

Adopting a Child Who May be at Risk for Schizophrenia and Psychotic Disorders Pt.2

child and dadThe following is part 2 of a 2 part series examining Schizophrenia and Adopted Children. See Part 1.

In citing an earlier study from 1997, these same researchers also discussed how communication deviance (CD) (parents whose communication pattern is senseless and illogical) has a great impact on the healthy emotional development of a child (Tienari et al.). For adoptees who were at a high genetic risk for thought disorders, if they were reared by adoptive parents with a higher level of CD, these adoptees were also more likely to have thought disorders (Tienari et al.). Those high risk adoptees reared by adoptive parents who had low levels of CD were much less likely to have thought disorders (Tienari et al.). However, for those not at a genetic risk, the family environment of high or low CD rates had much less impact on the adult adoptees’ having a thought disorder (Tienari et al.). In a follow-up study 19 years later, it was found that those adult adoptees at higher genetic risk and reared by parents with high CD, there was a statistically significant increase in thought disorders (Tienari et al.).

In summary these researchers state that the genetic-environmental hypothesis of producing schizophrenia and other thought and psychotic disorders is supported in this and other studies. In these studies, it appears that if the adoptee has no known genetic risk and the child was reared in a positive environment, there appears to be no to little risk of a child developing these disorders (Tienari et al.).

In addition to a genetic predisposition and dysfunction within the home environment, there is also evidence that gestational stress can increase the risk for schizophrenia, including maternal viral infection (especially during mid-trimester); very traumatic events during pregnancy; pregnancy complications, such as toxemia and preeclampsia; abnormal prenatal development; malnutrition (two-fold risk during famines) and complications at birth (Kestler et al 2012.; St. Clair, et al., 2005).

When counseling a family regarding adopting a child with a possible genetic risk for schizophrenia or psychotic disorders , the family should consider the genetic family history of both the birth mother and father (if known); the birth mother’s type of psychosis and symptoms; and the child’s prenatal and birth history. In internationally adopted children these risk factors are seldom known. When families are matched with a birth mother here in the US, these risk factors are often known (at least based on the birth mother’s mental health history). Also, PAPs can find reassurance in knowing that a child would be at a very low risk of developing narrowly defined schizophrenia when reared in a highly functional home. In such a situation, the parents should be encouraged to provide a very narrow range of parenting style based on Trust-Based Relational Intervention (Purvis & Cross, 2011). Parents with a strong emotive style of parenting tend to produce children lower at risk for schizophrenia.

References

Ingraham, L. J., & Kev, S. S. (2000). Adoption studies of schizophrenia. American Journal of Medical Genetics, 97, 18-22. Retrieved from

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com.ezproxy.liberty.edu:2048/doi/10.1002/%28SICI%291096-8628%28200021%2997:1%3C18::AID-AJMG4%3E3.0.CO;2-L/pdf

Kestler, L., Bollini, A., Hochman, K., Mittai, V. A., & Walker, E. (2012). Schizophrenia. In J. E. Maddux, & B. A. Winstead (Eds.), Psychopathology: Foundations for a contemporary understanding (third ed., pp. 247-276). New York: Routledge.

Purvis, K. B., & Cross, D. R. (2011, June). TPRI Professional Training Program presented by the TCU Institute of Child Development. . In K. B. Purvis (Chair), . Symposium conducted at the Trust-Based Relational Intervention, Texas Christian University , Fort Worth Texas

St. Clair, D., Xu, M., Wang, P., Yu, Y., Fang, Y., Xhang, F.,…He, L. (2005, August 3). Rates of adult schizophrenia following prenatal exposure to the Chinese famine of 1959-1961. Journal of American Medical Association, 294(5), 557-562. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16077049

Posted on February 27th, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged adoption, Schizophrenia, Special Needs Adoption | Comments Off

Adopting a Child Who May be at Risk for Schizophrenia and Psychotic Disorders Pt.1

schitzophreniaby Laura Godwin

The following is part 1 of a 2 part series examining Schizophrenia and Adopted Children. Stay tuned for Part 2 early next week.

Families considering adoption often wonder about the genetic risk a child may have for a mental illness. One of the most frightening of all the mental illnesses is schizophrenia, and if a child is at what may be considered a genetic risk for the disorder, families are often not prepared to take this risk and proceed with the adoption (Kestler, Bollini, Hochman, Mittai, & Walker, 2012). But a birth mother, birth father or other close relative having the condition does not necessarily mean the child is very likely to have the disorder. There is no one identified cause or even one common trait that is characteristic of all those with schizophrenia.“Schizophrenia patients vary in symptom profiles, developmental histories, family backgrounds, cognitive functions, and even brain morphology and neurochemistry” (Kestler et al., p. 247).

Even with this lack of understanding of schizophrenia, it is known that genetics do play a role. For example, identical twins have the highest concordance rates of any two family members; yet the rate is only 25 to 50% (Kestler et al.) that if one twin has schizophrenia the other one will as well. Considering that identical twins share 100% of the same genetic material, there are obviously other factors that contribute to the expression of schizophrenia (Kestler et al.).

Older studies of those adopted, indicate that the disease appears to be more strongly linked to genetic rather than environmental factors (Kestler et al.). In an adoption study published in 2000, researchers noted that genetics played a significant factor in placing a person at risk (Ingraham & Kev, 2000). Of the 190 adult adoptees who had a biological mother with narrowly defined schizophrenia, the adoptees had a 5.34% risk of schizophrenia compared to 1.74% of those in which the adoptee had low genetic risk for schizophrenia (Tienari et al., 2006). For adoptees whose birth mother had broad spectrum schizophrenia, the rate among the adoptees for schizophrenia spectrum disorder, including Schizotypal personality disorder, was 22.36% (Tienari et al). These differences are statistically significant (Tienari et al.).

A more recently published 21-year follow-up adoption study, in which adoptees were assessed for the prevalence of schizophrenia based on the adoptive family’s level of dysfunction and the adoptees’ genetic risk for schizophrenia, it was found that for those adopted with a genetic predisposition to schizophrenia, the adoptive home environment could be a contributing factor to or a protective factor against having schizophrenia (Tienari et al). The authors of this study note that former studies that demonstrated a genetic link to schizophrenia among adoptees did not take into consideration the adoptive families’ levels of function. This study found that adoptees with no known genetic risk of schizophrenia as defined by the DSM-III-TR and reared in functional adoptive families showed 0% risk of schizophrenia (Tienari et al.). Adoptees who were considered at high genetic risk but reared in healthy adoptive families, there was a 1.49% risk of schizophrenia (Tienari et al.). On the other hand, low risk adoptees reared in dysfunctional families had a nearly 5.0% risk of schizophrenia, and adoptees who were at a high genetic risk and raised in dysfunctional families were at a 13% risk for the disorder (Tienari et al.).

Posted on February 19th, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged adoption, Schizophrenia, Special Needs Adoption | Comments Off

“The Best Russian…”

Posted on January 23rd, 2013 in Uncategorized | Tagged adoption, International Adoption, Russian Adoptions | Comments Off